


I can't escape this now, unless you show me how

by thatemofangirl



Series: AUgust 2020 [15]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU-gust 2020, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes and the 21st Century, Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatemofangirl/pseuds/thatemofangirl
Summary: “Fine. Hawkeye, you have the best—" Bucky went silent when he thought he heard footsteps."Cap?" He heard Clint ask, but he clicked off the comm to listen.Suddenly, there was a heavy thud behind him. Bucky spun around to see a man recovering from a jump and stand up.He was shrouded in the shadow of the surrounding alley, but Bucky forgot how to work as he caught a glimpse of the man's face. He could have sworn he saw Steve.No, it couldn't have been. Steve died from that fall 70 years ago. But what Bucky did know, was that he had the Winter Soldier in his sights.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: AUgust 2020 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858408
Comments: 16
Kudos: 145
Collections: Stucky: Canon Divergence





	I can't escape this now, unless you show me how

**Author's Note:**

> Day 15: Role Reversal
> 
> I enjoyed writing this just as much as it hurt to write. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> The title was taken from the song [Demons](https://youtu.be/mWRsgZuwf_8) by Imagine Dragons. Music never lets me down.

Bucky felt the cold like he was still clinging onto the freezing cold metal of the blown open freight car.

He felt the wind whipping harshly past his ears, his eyes stinging from keeping them forced open as he held on tight enough for his hands to begin to go numb like he was still there on that train racing through the Swiss Alps. He had been paralyzed with thought; it had took every shred of his mental strength for him not to dive off after Steve.

He didn't know if there was any chance he was still alive after he fell, but he knew that the serum that made him into Captain America made him nearly indestructible. After Steve rescued him from that Hydra base, fighting with the Howlies, Bucky had seen the man do some incredible things a normal human shouldn't have been able to do: jump across a thirty foot distance as a building self imploded underneath him, get blown away from multiple explosions with nothing but the rare scratch on his skin, withstand the full force of a grenade exploding underneath his shield.

Bucky had thought that if Steve could have done all of those impossible things, there was a chance that maybe he could have survived the plummet. Maybe he could have got lucky and hit the icy water.

The only thing that kept Bucky from diving after him was the fact that he didn't know if _he_ would survive.

Sure, Zola experimented on him. Whatever chemicals that had brought him to the brink of death was now coursing through his veins and had definitely changed him. A couple of days after he had gotten his strength back, he realized he had gotten back more than he originally had. Bucky knew Hydra was trying to replicate the super soldier serum, and he had gotten some kind of second rate version of it. The only one to survive the experiment. But he didn't trust it enough—he didn't think it made _him_ strong enough to survive if he jumped after Steve.

The sound of Dernier calling for both him and Steve was what pushed Bucky's decision to stay. He was too torpefied at that moment to cry, but as he forced himself to move back inside without the risk of falling, collapsed on the ground, his eyes finding that red, white, and blue shield against the opposite container wall, his head fell between his knees and he let out a heart wrenching scream.

James Barnes woke up from the nightmare heaving for breath. Sweat plastered dark strands of hair to his head, his knuckles white from his fists clenching the sheets around him, and silent tears were streaming from his eyes.

Maybe it would have been mercy if it was just a nightmare. Maybe it would have been mercy if Bucky had woken up to see Steve sleeping in the bed next to his. Maybe it would have been mercy if he was back in 1945, even if it would have been in the middle of World War II.

But the dream was worse than a nightmare; it was a memory. The sound of cars beeping outside and the flashing lights blinking against his closed curtains was a harsh reminder that this was the 21st century and he was alone inside his SHIELD issued aparment. Steve Rogers had died saving him from a death he failed to avoid himself.

Bucky swung his legs over the edge of his bed. He recoiled as his bare feet touched the cool wooden floor and he had to take a deep breath before placing them back down again.

He dragged his hands down his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks before sniffing up. Shuffling to the bathroom, Bucky flipped on the light and turned on the faucet as he stood in front of the sink.

The water was near steaming as he splashed it over his face. He wouldn't have been able to tolerate it if he used the cold. There still was a chill deep in his bones from the nightmare and he shivered despite it being a comfortable temperature inside. He hated the cold. Especially come November.

He gulped as he lifted his head to look in the mirror. His throat hurt like he had been screaming, and he didn't question he wasn't. His eyes were rimmed red from crying and he quickly dried his face from the water.

He told himself to calm down, took a few deep breaths, then ran both of his hands through his hair.

The last couple of months, he had thought about changing up his look. Grow out his hair, or even cut it shorter, try and get rid of the clean shaven look he donned since 1936. But he knew it would be frowned upon. He was _Captain America._ He had an appearance to keep up; people recognized him the way he was.

Bucky used to love his appearance. He used to see his reflection and become confident. But now as he stared into the mirror, he couldn't even see himself anymore though he looked the same. All he saw was the person he was forced to stay.

Bucky never thought he would regret becoming Captain America. He picked up that shield for one reason and one reason only: to finish the job Steve started. When it ended with him getting buried and frozen with it after he crashed The Valkyrie into the Arctic, he never expected to survive, let alone get defrosted and expected to take up the mantle again to fight off an alien invasion in 2012 New York City.

He was angry and confused, but he knew that if he could help he should. He never thought he would be pressured to continue wearing the suit, to continue fighting with that shield— _Steve's_ shield. Soon enough, he fell into a rabbit hole he couldn't get out of. The world admired Captain America, and he felt like he owed it to Steve to honor that. But still, it nagged at the bottom of his gut: Steve should have been the person to wake up 70 years later. Steve should have been the one to have this fame, not him.

Bucky wasn't a natural leader like Steve was. It drained him to pretend like he was. And he was one hell of an actor by getting away with pulling it off and have no one question his authority and leadership. He always knew what was best for the people around him, he was a protector since childhood. Maybe that's what gave him the courage to continue being the Captain without thinking he would mess up majorly.

Bucky knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so as he padded back into his bedroom, he just switched on his desk lamp and opened the latest book on astrology he was reading.

There was so much he missed, science had grown and evolved so much since the 1940s. After meeting two literal gods and fighting in the flesh aliens from outer space, Bucky had taken a break from anything science fiction. But the fact that there really was life beyond Earth was something he couldn't ignore. He had always loved the constellations and the theory that there was more beyond the atmosphere of the planet. There had been so many more new and fascinating astrological advancements he had to catch up on. Scientists knew so much more now that they had better technology to study.

He hadn't been reading long when he heard his phone go off. He didn't use the device much outside of mission purposes. It seemed excessive and sometimes really confusing. He learned the basics, and until he got a little bit more used to the new world he was in, that's all he was going to learn.

Sliding a bookmark in between the pages, he got up and read the message that lit up the screen.

When he saw it was from Natasha, and considering the time of early morning, he knew it wasn't her asking if he wanted to join her and Clint for lunch at noon.

**Another kill. Hydra. It's him. Get here ASAP we might have a lead.**

Bucky felt himself tense. Looked like that bookmark was going to stay there for a while.

**On my way.**

It took Bucky less than five minutes to get dressed. He didn't own many outfits; a couple casual, one formal, a jacket or two, a tac suit and the Captain America suit.

He wore the tac suit.

The other was in the backpack slung across his back. He always had to bring it with him. But he tried to get away with not wearing it as much as he could. He wasn't just going to walk out of the building in the most patriotic outfit known to man.

The shield was a little more difficult to hide. That was displayed front and center as he drove his motorcycle through the Washington streets.

Meeting up with Natasha in the small diner they used just outside of DC, she instantly got down to business, handing him a folder of the newest homicide and seding a sideways glare to Clint as he pigged out on a burger.

"What?" He asked as he noticed both Natasha's and Bucky's eyes on him. "Breakfast isn't for another four hours. Eating meat at 2 AM is completely rationalized."

Bucky just ignored him and opened the folder. "Where?"

"Here." Bucky looked up at her. "Just on the other side of the Potomac."

"Why would he come back near Washington? It's risky. He should know we would try and catch him."

"Because that man he killed was only one of two Hydra agents that were stupid enough not to skip town."

"One of two?" Bucky questioned as he looked over the file of the man that had died. "That means—"

"We already know where the other is." Clint interrupted, wiping his mouth after shoving one last french fry in. "Let's go catch a ghost."

The three of them had been hunting down the Winter Soldier since suspectless murders had been popping up all over the place and causing red flags to spring up everywhere.

What was left of SHIELD had been one of the first to realize that all of the murders had been connected. Since the organization fell, alongside Hydra which had been growing right under it's nose, Natasha and Fury began to decipher that the bodies being dropped were all the known Hydra agents that escaped before they could be apprehended.

Natasha had told Bucky everything she knew about the Winter Solider, how he had been a puppet for Hydra for the past five decades at least, her experiences with him. They agreed that even if he was turning his back on Hydra, they still needed to question him and figure out why. He was still dangerous, not to mention a very wanted man.

Him, Natasha, and Clint made it their mission to track him down. But it was hard. The Soldier was smart. He covered his tracks. The only thing they had on him was the string of unsolved murders. While they were their only lead, they knew they couldn't let him continue to kill people, even if they were bad. It was risky.

But now they had a better lead. They could get try to get to the address of the other known Hydra agent as fast as they could and try to ambush the Winter Soldier when he got there.

It was a long shot, but their only one. Clint and Natasha carpooled as Bucky raced alone. They stashed their cars a couple blocks away and stationed around their target.

Clint was ready with his bow and arrows on top of a nearby building, Natasha was comfortably situated less than a half of block down, and Bucky himself was suited up and ready in wait.

When they had got to the apartment building, they found the Hydra agent alive and in a hurry to leave. Between the three of them, he was quickly incapacitated and tied down to ensure he wouldn't escape. They were using him for bait. Bucky didn't like the idea too much, but it was nesscessary.

With all the exits within eyeshot, the trio settled down and hidden for a stakeout. Just waiting for the Winter Soldier to show up.

The sun was beginning to rise when Clint spoke up over the comms. "There's someone on the rooftops across from me. Wearing all black and he's moving swiftly. It has to be him."

Glancing at the archer, Bucky attempted to follow his gaze but he had to look straight up and that wasn't very helpful. His guess was that the Winter Soldier was going to sneak in from the window, his plan to kill the agent, then sneak back out undetected.

"I'm going to engage."

"Negative Cap, don't engage." Natasha warned, her voice a tone Bucky didn't want to argue with. "Once he sees Kiev bound to that chair, he's going to know it's a set up. He's going to run, we need to be here to follow him once he does."

"Fine. Hawkeye, you have the best—" Bucky went silent when he thought he heard footsteps.

"Cap?" He heard Clint ask, but he clicked off the comm to listen.

Suddenly, there was a heavy thud behind him. Bucky spun around to see a man recovering from a jump and stand up.

He was shrouded in the shadow of the surrounding alley, but Bucky forgot how to work as he caught a glimpse of the man's face. He could have sworn he saw Steve.

No, it couldn't have been. Steve died from that fall 70 years ago. But what Bucky did know, was that he had the Winter Soldier in his sights.

The both of them stayed still for a solid three seconds before the Soldier turned and ran. Mindlessly, Bucky took off after him. This was a chase he couldn't lose. This was the closest they had gotten and he refused to let him get away.

Bucky realized he had been radio silent for too long, and as he nearly skidded into a brick wall as he turned a sharp corner, he frantically tapped his mic back on.

"I have eyes on him! I'm on his tail. Northwest." He spoke.

The Winter Soldier stayed just too far ahead. All Bucky had to follow was dark blurs that rounded corners.

"Don't let him out of your sight. Hawkeye's right behind you. I'm going to try and cut him off."

Bucky wished he could say he wouldn't, but he came to a stop at a cross-section between allies. He had no idea which way the Winter Solider had went, he had gained too much of a lead.

He twisted to search rooftops, but he was too close and too low to see anything.

He was filled with dread when he realized what that meant.

"I lost—"

Another thud. Before Bucky could turn around, the feeling of a metal fist to the back of his head knocked him out. His vision went black.

* * *

The first thing Bucky noticed as he stirred into consciousness was that he was lying in a bed in a foreign room. Unbound. The next was that his cowl was missing.

Bucky bolted up, immediately scanning the room for any threats. His head throbbed from where he got hit, but that was something he could worry about later.

His hand reached for his comm as he searched, but it was gone. His search came to a stop when he saw pictures hanging up on the wall across from where he was seated.

But at second look, he realized they weren't pictures. They were drawings tacked to the wall. And as his vision focused through the headache, he realized they were rough sketches of a persons face.

 _His_ face.

Bucky inspected his surroundings. It looked like a small one room apartment, only two doors, most likely the bathroom and exit. A layer of dust had formed on the table next to him. Whoever lived here hadn't been back in a while.

He continued his search and almost deemed the room empty until his eyes caught a gleam of metal in the dark corner opposite him.

The Winter Soldier was so good at hiding in the shadow that Bucky had almost overlooked him.

Slowly standing up, Bucky spoke. His focus on the man in the shadows. "Where are we?"

"Safe." The Winter Solider replied after a moment. His voice was rough. Like he hadn't used it in a long time. There was a familiarity to it that squeezed Bucky's heart and made nostalgia roll over him in waves so sickening, it made his stomach churn. It couldn't have been.

"And the two people that were with me?" Bucky further questioned.

"I won't hurt them. They're searching for you."

Bucky fought back the urge to move forward. He didn't want the Solider to run again. He couldn't see the shield, so if this conversation ended in a fight, he wouldn't have that to help him.

"Why did you take me? Why didn't you just kill me?"

There was a long period of silence. Bucky had the feeling that the man was staring right at him. Now that his eyesight was adjusting to the lack of light in the room, he could see the slight glow of a pair of empty sky blue eyes.

"I know you," The reply was a whisper that speared right through Bucky's chest. "You're James Buchanan Barnes." He stepped forward, and the rising sunlight peeking through the windows began to illuminate the Soldier. "But my head...the voice...it says your name is Bucky."

All of the air escaped Bucky's lungs as he saw the Winter Solider come into clear view just six feet ahead of him.

Why he wasn't dead, the graphite sketches, it all made sense as Bucky's eyes stared dead ahead. Standing in front of him was the Winter Soldier.

Standing in front of him was Steve Rogers.

"Steve?" His voice came back to him just as he couldn't hold his breath any longer, the lack of oxygen making his head spin even worse.

There was no mistaking his identity although it shouldn't have been possible. He had a dark beard, and his golden hair was dirty and had grown out in matted strands that reached just below his ears. His left arm, what Bucky could see, was entirely metal.

Even with all of those changes, Bucky knew exactly who the man in front of him was. Because that face was one he had been staring at since he was seven. That was the face of the man that was in nearly every single one of his dreams at night. That was the face of the man Bucky was in love with. _Is_ in love with.

"Steven Grant Rogers." The Winter Soldier— _Steve_ —repeated blankly. "Born July 4th, 1918. Presumed to have died January 1945. Formerly the war hero Captain America. His body was never found."

Bucky realized Steve was reciting words from a script. He went to say something, but he kept going.

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes took on the mantle of Captain America after his best friends valiant death to honor his name and carry out the rest of his mission. Born March 10, 1917. Presumed to have died Febuary 1945. His body was found alive and frozen in 2012. Date was not released to the public."

"Steve," Bucky's voice was breathy and close to breaking. He was surprised he wasn't crying yet. The shock must have been too much and was confusing his brain enough that it couldn't figure out to open his tear ducts and let the welling tears loose. "What happened to you?"

"Steve...I survived." His voice sounded strained and his distant eyes closed before he looked down. "The doctor...Zola...he found me. Gave me this." He glanced at his left arm, the silver metal catching the suns rays and reflecting them around the room as he moved it. "Pain. So much pain. I forgot who I was. I still don't remember much." He looked up and held eye contact with Bucky. "But you...your face never left.

"I was trying to remember. Drawing seemed like the right thing to do, to get you out of my head and in front of me. But then...Pierce told me you were my next mission. _"Kill Captain America. Kill James Barnes."..._ I had a clear shot. Snipe, right through your apartment window. But then you turned your head, and when the face I saw matched the nameless face in my memory...

"I couldn't. I rebelled against my programming. Memories broke through. I refused to kill you. I didn't know you, but at the same time, I _did_."

Bucky was having trouble processing the words he just heard. He figured Steve was having double the hard time he was. It sounded like Hydra had wiped his memory, he was struggling to remember himself but for some reason he remembered _him_. Steve was turned into a ruthless killing machine designed to obey his every order and forget his past, but he _remembered_ him.

Bucky looked back at the wall of drawings. Steve remembered that as well. How art had always been a natural talent of his. There was at least twenty, maybe a few more. Each was of Bucky's face, spare the two or three that depicted city skylines.

"You ran from Hydra." Bucky guessed, trying his hardest to suppress the part of him that wanted to rush forward and hug Steve with all of his strength and never let him go again. While it was him, this man wasn't only Steve. Not yet.

"They took everything from me." Steve stated, his voice cold. Bucky had never heard Steve's tone ever be so threatening. It raised goosebumps along his skin. "Made me kill for them when I never wanted too."

"You're still killing, Steve. You're still murdering people. Why?"

"Hydra are bullies. I don't like bullies. I want revenge." Steve spat out those words, his volume raising. His face was devoid of any emotion, but anger flickered wildly in his eyes.

This wasn't Steve. This wasn't Steve at all. That was the Winter Soldier speaking. The Winter Soldier's feelings. They were two different people. Bucky had to shake his head in attempts to clear his thoughts. Steve was still breaking through, but the Winter Solider was still—for the most part—in control.

"You know you wouldn't want this. You would never kill for such selfish reasons." Bucky tries to continue. "We can help you. Get revenge in a different way."

"I don't know what I want..." Steve's voice went quiet again. It sounded more like Steve again and less like the Soldier. "No. I want to remember. I don't want to be... _this._ "

This time, Bucky took a step forward. He stopped immediately when he saw Steve close his fists and become fully defensive, but at least he got a foot closer.

"Come with us." Bucky whispered. "Come with me. _Please_ Steve. We can help you." He didn't care that he was basically begging. Pleading, even. He never wanted to let him go again. He didn't want to lose him again.

Another stretch of silence. But then the sound heavy footsteps filled the air.

"Your friends." Steve said first in that flat Winter Soldier voice of his although Bucky was already thinking it. "They'll be here in thirty seconds."

"We won't turn you in." Bucky stated firmly. "We can't trust the government anyway. We can get through this. I promise."

Bucky outstretched his hand to Steve. "Together."

A loud bang as Natasha kicked the door open, pistol in hand and ready to fire. Bucky whipped his head to face her, his eyebrows narrowing in a silent command to lower her weapon, and thankfully she complied right away.

Her eyes then found Steve, and didn't leave his face as she slowly showed him she was clicking on the safety of her gun.

Bucky realized Clint must have asked why she was silent because she raised her hand and pressed her fingertip to her ear. "They're here. No need for a fight."

She nodded in Bucky's direction and he was grateful for her understanding. He could see her features flash through emotions, recognizing who the Winter Soldier was and what he meant to Bucky, and knowing just how delicatly they had to progress as she saw the pictures on the wall.

"Come on Steve, it's time to go."

The first tear created a track as it fell down Bucky's cheek. Steve took his hand and Bucky immediately held it tight.

If there was one thing Bucky knew for sure, it was that he was going to get Steve back. No matter what it took.


End file.
